I Took the Leap

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Every child hears this many times throughout his/her childhood.

“What are your plans after you graduate?”

Me at 17

Making other girls cry with my lay ups and pointy elbows

Teens hear this on repeat during high school. Most don’t know, but some do. I did.

When I was 14 I was sent to public school for the first time. I’d been raised and homeschooled in a very sheltered, conservative home, and that fore into mainstream education was a shock. Kids were insanely disrespectful to teachers, mean to one another, and there were oh-so-many things very commonplace to all of them that I just did not understand. Because of all that, when I confidently declared during conversation with the varsity girls’ basketball coach and some of my teammates that I was going to go to Syracuse University to play basketball and study kinesiology, I was stunned when I was laughed at. The coach burst into laughter and said, “That’s a joke, right? Because that’s not happening.” My peers around her chuckled as well. I was naive, trusting, and well aware that there were many things about this world that I did not comprehend, so I laughed it off while internalizing the message. Something was wrong with that idea. I didn’t know what, but it was so obvious to everyone else they thought it was a joke. After that day, I never spoke of that dream again.

Fast forward four years, and I ended up going to college(not Syracuse), playing basketball, and becoming a teacher. I love children. I had always wanted to be a mom in addition to everything else, so ultimately I decided that until I had a family of my own, I would mother other peoples’ children by teaching. I truly loved it. My students were my kids. I had a gym membership and stayed in shape, played pick-up basketball at the park, work league softball, spent hours on the tennis courts with my husband, and was one of those crazy people who just laced up their sneakers, went outside, and ran a couple miles for fun until two months in to my first pregnancy when severe morning sickness required I give every drop of my energy to daily survival.

After our daughter was born, I easily slid back into jogging and all the old activities I’d loved(when I could fit them around three jobs). When she was 22 months old, our first son was born. We didn’t know the details then, but he was born with Autism Spectrum Disorder and profound Sensory Processing Disorder. Parenting got hard. My husband went back to school that year, so he worked nights and slept days around his college classes. When he would arrive home from work at 6am, I would hand him the baby, put on my sneakers, and run out the door. No objective. Just running down the highway and back. It was my escape from those very, very dark days of Postpartum Depression and Anxiety and special needs parenting.

Fast forward 23 months, and precious baby number 3 arrived. My days were filled with homeschooling my oldest, daily therapies and appointments for my second, running a business from home while breastfeeding a baby who was always happy provided she was always eating. But dangit, I’d make sure to get up before the kids and squeeze in 30 minutes with my Jillian Michaels DVD every day! 30-Day Shred showed me some things, though. On top of everything else, I was broken. Physically broken from life, stress, and having three babies(each weighing 9-10.5 lbs) in 3.5 years. Something was wrong and I didn’t know what, but my body wouldn’t work. So I tried to beat it into submission. That didn’t work, either.

Five more years, another 9.5-lb baby, a move half-way across the country, the emergency surgical birth of our son we lost in the second trimester, going back to school to change my careers, and I was 75 lbs overweight when I first heard the terms, “Diastasis Recti,” and “Pelvic Floor Dysfunction.” So now I knew what was wrong with me. How I was broken. I was also told it was hopeless. ‘That’s just how it is after kids. Come back when you’re done having babies and we’ll pull you back together with surgical mesh, stitch you up, and you’ll be good.’ Wait, what?

Ready for another time-hop? Another year, another 9.5-pound baby, and 25 more pounds for myself, and I found a really unique exercise program called Fit2B. After years of abusing myself, hating my broken body, I gave it a try. Hey you! Yeah, you. Did you know you can heal a diastasis and PFD? It’s true. I did. This wonderful, highly skilled fitness professional named Beth(founder of Fit2B) created her program that was teaching, supporting, training, and helping women heal their bodies and regain strength. She did what I was told only surgery could do. She helped me become whole again, more than just physically, and in 2019, after using her program for three years, I decided that’s what I wanted to do. We were done having babies(our youngest was nearly 4) and feeling very settled in our lives, so I mentally started unearthing that old dream. No, I don’t think I could ever play basketball for the Syracuse Orange, but I could pursue the other half of that. I could go back to school and do what Beth does: love, support, encourage, teach, and help other women this way. Couldn’t I? Maybe? I started researching training programs. I dug into my options, resources, talked to trusted fitness professionals, and decided to do it. I was going back to school in SOME way, and I was going to become a fitness professional. Then God had a curveball for me: He said, “Wait.” What? WHAT?! God! I’ve already waited 20 years to do this. WHY?!

Why, you ask? Because the very next month we found out we were VERY unexpectedly pregnant with our caboose. Our precious Giovanna. And the month after that the pandemic hit. After our girl was born I had a very rare postpartum complication and nearly died. For weeks I could not even get out of bed or walk to the bathroom myself. For months after that I battled profound PTSD from my near-death experience. WHY did God say wait, I asked? It’s clear now. God knew I had some things coming up that would need to be my priorities. But the time came. I waited and eventually He said go. So I did it. I took the leap. I picked an education program and jumped head-first into a very competitive, youthful career field, beat up mom bod and all.

And I did it. It wasn’t a joke after all. Twenty-three years later, I am officially a certified personal trainer through the National Academy of Sports Medicine. My education isn’t done. Only the first part. I’m specializing in women’s fitness with an emphasis in core and pelvic floor health, as well as an additional holistic nutrition certification. But I did the thing. I let myself dig back into the passion of sports, athleticism, and fitness that drove me for most of my life and followed my dream. Started a new career. I don’t know where it’ll take me yet. I feel like it blends perfectly with my doula career I’ve already had supporting women and their families for six years, and I’m so excited.

Just thought I’d share. Thanks for listening.